Humans

Lots of snow this time of year. Sometimes not enough to actually stop you from going places, just enough to make it difficult. I haven't had dance for two nights now, maybe I won't have school tomorrow *fingers crossed*. You always have this hope that tomorrow could be a better day, that if fate just gives you the time, you can fix everything. I just read a book called The Bean Trees, the main character mentions something about how living in a hilly area gives you a different attitude. You can always suppose that there is something better waiting just around the next bend. Even if you've seen whats behind that hill and it isn't anything special, something in your brain always knows that you're waiting to see what's there, maybe it's different from the last time you saw it. This is actually a very common feeling in all humans, we are always hoping for better things to come, even if we know exactly what is going to happen. In a way, expecting something different to happen even when you do the same thing is a terrible way to get things done. But in this world that we live in, sometimes that crazy optimism is all we have. It's what gets us through the day. I always go through the day making believe that my house isn't a total mess and that I won't argue with my mother, but I don't actually do anything to change either of those when they aren't what I thought they were. If you can't get a grasp on what I'm trying to convey, just think about how when you open the door to a room, and it's dark so you reach over to flip the light switch, but in that short amount of time that you are reaching, your brain is whirring, trying to picture what it will look like, it goes through what you remember it looking like, what you want it to look like and makes a picture. When you finally turn of the light switch, it's completely different from what the picture was. Maybe you sigh, because it's worse, or maybe you smile, because it's way better that what you remember. One of our greatest strengths is our mind's ability to block out painful or troubling memories, so that we can gather the strength to go on and try again. and again, and again....

Happy Happy Happy!

Somebody likes me!!! Hoorah! Just goes to show that I am not completely untouchable.
Thanksgiving is going to be great! I have NO worries, except that my brain keeps looking for something to fret about. I can't wait for my family to come home, I love them so much!
P.S. Harry Potter was amazing and I get to go see it again (hint, Hint!) If anyone has any clues as to where they got that amazing funnel neck jacket for Hermione in the scene after the wedding, please PLEASE, contact me!

FreeFall

On that day I'll try
To be free, free as the birds
That fly
I will break from the path I
was on,
And instead make a new path, where there
Are none,
This freefall is making me sick
I want to kick,
Kick away from the love I once had,
Oh, all this hate is driving me
Mad!
And why couldn't someone love me,
And care for me, and help me
Just because it's the nice thing to do,
I'm sick of frowning
And sick of Ti
Maybe someday you'll see me fly

Anything Goes!!

The musical at my school this year is "Anything Goes". Ya know, by Cole Porter. It's is possibly the funniest musical I've EVER been in! And I've been in quite a few. I play Bonnie, aka: Shameless Hussy, No-boundaries Bonnie, flirt and G.S. for General slut. I do a lot of the dancing in the play. I actually got to choreograph 2 of the songs that have 6 other dancers in them! So if anyone is actually reading this: Come to the North Crawford Playhouse Production of Anything Goes. November 5, 6, 7, 11, 12, 13.
Our high school is widely renowned for it's way better than average production. We are better than some college productions! Shhhh!!! Just don't tell them that! Well anyway, we haven't sold a whole lot of tickets yet and I was just trying to broadcast a little bit! :)

Seeds Among Thorns

My pastor is great. I'm just going to put that out there. He can bring Jesus into a room and then fill you so full of the need to invite more people to meet Christ that you want to run out of the church screaming at the top of your lungs,"Gos saved me and he wants to save you too!" Like a baptist evangelist. (For the record I did not do this I don't think that would actually make anyone come to church) Just so you know, he's great.
This summer I went on a Mission Trip (booyah!) to Hopkinsville, Kentucky and I saw a miracle. I know that I saw 70 teenagers and 15-20 adults realize exactly what having a relationship with Christ is. Myself included. I cried, a lot, and I prayed the hardest I've ever prayed in my life and it felt wonderful to know that I had accepted Christ into my life and that I needed to get everyone into the kingdom of heaven as fast as I could. I will always remember it.
The problem is, that two months later I still love Jesus and I still have a pretty solid faith, I don't have that wonderful feeling anymore, I don't have any ambition to invite kids my own age to church. My pastor once said that "Being a Christian is not for pansies". Well, I guess I've become a pansy. Also, Matthew 13 talks about a farmer scattering seed. "A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on the footpath and the birds quickly ate them up. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted, but the sun scorched them because the had shallow roots. They died. Other seeds fell among thorns that grew and choked the young plants. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil and they produced a crop that was 30, 60, 100 times as much as had been planted." "The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message but do not understand it. Then the evil comes and snatches away the seed that was planted in their hearts. The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But they don't have deep roots, they do not last long. They fall as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God's word. The seed that fell among the thorns are those who hear God's word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced. The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God's word and produce a harvest 30, 60, or 100 times what had been planted!" I understand that I have become a seed planted in the thorns. I have done nothing to spread the word of God and have let myself become a thorn instead, spreading bitterness like the rest of the world. I hope that by realizing this I will be able to capture my faith again and hold it fast. Then I can become a seed that lead 30, 60 or even 100 more people to God than just the seed that was planted.
Thanks for reading through all of that, I hope that I can at least help those who read this to have a closer relationship with God.
P.S Eternity is a long time to spend by yourself.